The Truth About Virginity

I read an article today that was titled “I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, & I Wish I Hadn’t.” At first I thought maybe it was one of those intriguing titles that just made you click the link to read it & the article would have a completely different meaning. But it wasn’t. The title means exactly what it says. And to tell you the truth, it breaks my heart. You can click the title above to go to the article, but in summary, this girl was taught in church that premarital sex was sinful, dirty, & if she had sex before marriage, she would go to hell. She was taught that saving sex for marriage was a responsibility she had toward her future husband, but that her husband does not have the same responsibility according to the Bible. When I read that line, I had to do a double & triple take. Where in the Bible does it say that women have to remain pure but men don’t?! I was flabbergasted & still am because what she was taught is a total lie. This girl also was told that if she remained pure, then she would have a blessed marriage, & if not, she would end up in divorce.

I just really felt compelled to talk about this issue because people on Facebook are posting this article & agreeing. I’m not trying to start an argument, but trying to reveal Biblical truth to those who may have never heard it. We have a conference coming up August 22 & 23 for youth & young adults called the Truth Conference. We will be surfacing today’s deepest issues & talking about what the Bible has to say about them. And yes, that includes purity.

Going back to the article, this girl remained a virgin until her wedding day. When “that time” had come on her wedding night, she felt dirty. She would cry because she hated sex so much, but she felt a responsibility to her husband. After two years of struggling, she told her husband how she felt, & began seeing a therapist to begin the healing process. Here is what she states at the end of the article, “I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality. If I could go back, I would not wait.” This is the part that really breaks my heart. That she, and many others out there who waited, believe the lie that sex would be easy & great had they not waited until their wedding night. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t have felt dirty if she had sex with her husband before they were married? We can play the “what if” game all we want, but the truth is, she was not taught Biblical truth about sex & purity. Do I feel sad for her that she now, in her own words, chose sex over religion? Absolutely! But we don’t have to choose. Religion means, a particular system of faith and worship. So when I talk about religion here, I’m talking about a relationship with Jesus Christ. Guess what? We can have a relationship with Jesus AND have sex within our marriage! God created sex, so why would He have us choose one or the other?

This article is only one woman’s story, but I believe it represents many women who grew up in church. Not every church teaches the same things on sexual purity. It’s very sad because the Bible makes it so clear, but I know that many people in my generation were taught similar things about sex. Sex is bad before marriage. Sex will be amazing when you’re married. You’ll be blessed sexually because you waited. Without being too transparent for the sake of my young readers, my husband & I both waited for each other. And it was a little bit of a struggle at first trying to believe that it was worth the wait. Sex was not perfect with fireworks and all. It was not easy & simple. Did I sometimes feel dirty & guilty? Yes, I did. But I had to learn to overcome those thoughts in my mind & remind myself that God created sex for us. To enjoy it. Not just to please our husband as if they are royalty (even though my husband is ;)), but to grow us closer to each other. It’s the one major thing that we both have shared with only each other & nobody else. That is so cool to me.

So… for those of you reading this that had similar teachings to the girl in the article or even myself, what do we do? We need to stop blaming the church! Yes, maybe the church didn’t teach us the correct way, but someone preaching from a pulpit should not be the majority of Scripture we get every week. You may disagree with your pastor sometimes. It is OUR responsibility to read the Word of God & search Biblical truth. Be open & honest with your husband. Seek out a counselor if you need. But learn the truth of the Word that saving yourself for marriage IS WORTH IT! It’s exactly God’s plan all along, & He always has the best plan for our lives.

If you’re interested in attending our Truth Conference, click here. We would love to have you!

Song of Solomon 8:4 ESV
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

1 Corinthians 6:18, 20 NIV
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against his own body. You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Genesis 2:24 ESV
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Proverbs 5:18 NIV
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

Photo by Lucas Cornwell