Before I get into what tests & answers we are looking for as to why I keep miscarrying, I wanted to catch you up on what has happened so far. We began trying to conceive (TTC) in May of 2013. After almost one year since first trying to conceive, we decided to meet with a doctor for answers. We met with an OBGYN who had infertility listed under his portfolio, but he wasn’t an infertility specialist. This way, we could use our insurance because most specialists in this field are not covered by insurance. He decided we should check my eggs on my next cycle to make sure I had plenty. From that meeting, we scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound the next month. Within the next week, we moved up to Prescott for our 5 weeks (we live there during youth camps). I ended up cancelling my ultrasound appt to check my eggs because we got our first positive pregnancy test!! In our hearts and minds, the timing was perfect! One year to the month of trying, & we find out we’re pregnant at camp. This was very special to us because both of us spent many of our summers at youth camp. This was our miracle baby!
Pregnant but didn’t know it yet // right before camp
A couple of my first bump pictures at camp 2014
Long story short, camp was great, I was tired & nauseous, but loving every second of it! We made it through the 5 weeks keeping it a secret, except from our immediate family. We moved back home & had our first ultrasound scheduled where I should’ve been around 10 weeks along. Our ultrasound came back abnormal, & our baby had no heartbeat. We were crushed, but still hopeful. They decided to schedule another ultrasound a couples days later to see if anything progressed. Those nights in between appointments, I cried out to God to heal my baby. I begged Him to & believed He could. I played worship music over my womb, I claimed healing in Jesus name. I remember one journal entry I had, I wrote about how when I was born I stopped breathing. My dad prayed over me, & God healed me & brought me back to life. I had my husband talk to & pray over our baby. I thought surely God will bring our baby to life, just as He brought me back to life. What a testimony it will be.
We made it through the next couple of days. Unfortunately, my husband was in another country on a mission trip during our 2nd ultrasound. My mother-in-law & sister-in-law came with me to the appointment where we found out for sure our baby had died at 6 weeks. What?! How could this be? My belly was growing, I was always tired, & I had morning sickness. This couldn’t be true! We were absolutely devastated. I can’t even describe the feeling. I’m grateful for my family who was there with us every step of the way, but I needed my husband. It was hard enough getting through that appointment, but even harder without him there.
My husband got back from his trip, & we took our doctor’s advice to take medication to push the baby out since my body was not miscarrying naturally. I was scared. I hadn’t been through this before, nor did I ever imagine I would be. I had one close friend & one family member who each had a miscarriage, but no one else close to me that I knew about. My mom & sister both had healthy pregnancies. Why me?! Wasn’t the one year of trying enough?? All these questions running through my mind. I was a mess. We prayed for a quick & painless “delivery.” I took the medicine & started cramping a couple hours later. Then they got really bad. They started to get more & more intense. On top of the contractions, I was puking & couldn’t keep anything down. I thought the emotional pain of losing a child was bad, but this felt worse. To spare you all the details, I ended up bleeding too much & went into the ER. They gave me pain meds, checked my uterus, & sent me home with MORE medication to give me MORE contractions to make sure everything was out!!! It was terrible.
My hospital bracelets from the ER // I guess I was attached to them in some ways
The photo above was about a week after our first miscarriage, vacationing in San Diego w/ the fam // It was rough because I had been picturing our family vaca for weeks with my baby bump // I also wanted to share the real life behind this photo. I posted this on social media during our vacation that week, but nobody knew the truth behind this “happy couple” at the time. Anyone could look at this photo & think our life is perfect, but in this moment we were broken. We had each other, & we were both grateful for that, but not everything was as it seems.
A couple months later, we met back with our doctor, where he decided to check me for endometriosis after I went through one round of Clomid (a fertility drug) with no luck. We did the surgery & everything looked great. I got pregnant a few months later, but my HCG levels were not as high as they should’ve been. My doctor said I would miscarry again. So I asked the nurse on the phone if I could get into see my doctor again because this would be my 2nd miscarriage. She told me that I had to have 3 miscarriages before they did anything about it. I realize that is the norm with doctors, but seriously?! That’s ridiculous! I decided to get another doctor who would run tests before I had a 3rd.
Oh man, this is getting lengthy. I think I will stop here for now & pick up again later about what new tests we got done with a new doctor. Thanks so much for reading! Please remember to subscribe through email on the right of this page to keep updated with my posts. I greatly appreciate you & your support!!
Oh Bethany, thank you for sharing your pain! I cannot even imagine the heartbreak of losing one child…..much less a second pregnancy! Bruce and I will be continuing to pray for you both!
Your transparency is inspiring! You are a testimony of faith! I pray that you can find healing through this, and the answers you are needing to carry a healthy baby! The devil puts fears like these in my heart when thinking about carrying a child. But he can’t win! Thank you! 💕
Bethany you are so strong and an example to many!! God has such a big plan for you and Griffin and your future family. Be encouraged knowing that your step to be open about your journey is speaking to many. Love you tons, thank you so much for sharing!
Praying for a miracle for you & Griffin…love you both❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing these intimate details. I hope it’s a freeing feeling to let that out in the open. I really liked what you said about the photo of you kissing on the beach. It’s so easy to hide reality Within social media. I see the deep love you have for each other in that picture though. That’s beautiful and real.
You are so strong! I can’t imagine going through all the hardships that you Two have had to endure. The both of you are amazing!! I hope to see you soon I miss you guys so much! I love you
Hi Bethany. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and pain. I honestly cannot imagine what you have been through and are currently going through. Andy and I continue to pray for you and Griffin.
God has a plan for yall!!!
Love you Bethany.
[…] my previous post, I left off at wanting to switch doctors. This was around the beginning of December 2014 after we […]
I look forward to reading your blogs. I know it takes alot to talk about infertility issues publicly. Thank you for your strength!! #youarenotalone
[…] May 6, 2013, on my birthday, my husband & I had a talk about when we wanted to start a family. It may sound silly, but literally that day, on my 24th birthday, we both felt ready in our hearts to start “trying.” For me, it was honestly like a switch flipped in my mind that very day. Fast forward 1 year, I was in Missouri visiting my family during my birthday. I got back from my trip & my husband & I went out for a late birthday dinner. The last week in May of that year, we moved up to the campgrounds in Prescott, where we are right now, to get ready for our youth camps as we do every year. That first week we were up here I took a pregnancy test & saw my first positive!! It was just a little over a year from the day we started to the day we found out we were pregnant. Although that year honestly sucked while trying to get pregnant, seeing that positive pregnancy test made it all worth it. As you probably have read, we went in for our first ultrasound after camps at around 10 weeks only to find a 6 week baby & no heartbeat. I felt that God had abandoned me. I was angry with him for about a year & struggled with depression on & off in that same year. (read more about it here) […]