… Then Comes Miscarriage?
My husband & I on our wedding day // July 17, 2010
Recently, my husband & I went public about our struggle with carrying a pregnancy to full term. In October, which is infant/pregnancy loss awareness month, I shared how we had 5 miscarriages. Before that day, we told many of our friends & family about what we’d been going through, but I still felt like I wanted everyone else to know. It was so difficult to share that day, even if it was just through a post on social media. My hands were shaking as I clicked “post,” but I also felt so free. Free from carrying around a “secret,” free from hurting alone, & free to be more open, in hopes that I could encourage other women struggling with miscarriage or infertility. The response we received was overwhelming. I witnessed other women become brave enough to share their journey. I received countless messages from people wanting to pray for me, encourage me, or share their own struggle, & I saw the kind hearts of those who care even though they couldn’t understand our pain. I truly didn’t expect such a large response, & it actually challenged me to encourage others more through whatever they were facing. It has been healing for me as well. I don’t want to measure the loss of a born child vs. the loss of an unborn child, because they are so different; however, if my baby had been born & then passed away, everyone would know. Although it’s hard to truly comprehend a life in the womb, there was still life… my children, my flesh & blood.
At the time we shared in October, we didn’t know that the following month we would be pregnant again. December marked the first time in all of our pregnancies that we could hear our baby’s heartbeat!! We thought, “Our 6th baby… this is it! This was our miracle/rainbow baby!” None of our other babies had grown past 6 weeks. I thought in my heart that if we made it past 6 weeks, then our baby would make it to full term. Our baby was 7.5 weeks when we heard the heartbeat. Then, when we went in for our 11 week ultrasound, our hearts sank when we could no longer find the heartbeat. Our precious child went to be with Jesus at 9 weeks. Later that evening, I passed the baby at home. We were able to see the intricate definition of our child even at 9 weeks. Our baby had arms, legs, all 10 fingers, & even little eye sockets. There was life in my womb! The next day I found myself in the ER from complications, & had surgery the following night.
So… what’s the point of this post? I’ve had friends and family both tell me I should blog about our journey. I’ve wanted to, but it’s scary for me. I don’t ever want to come across as a sob story. I also don’t know how much I should share. Many chapters of our story include raw emotions running very high & very low… depression, hopelessness, & also questioning God. It’s difficult to know where to start. But I’m finally doing it. I hope & pray my blog posts encourage & challenge you. I hope it can reach far more than I can imagine. And I hope that one day I’ll be blogging about my growing belly & very healthy pregnancy & delivery.
I’m still not sure how often I will post about this, but I will be blogging about doctors appts, tests, questions, answers, emotions, & everything in between. If you want to join me on this journey, please enter your email on the right of this page under “subscribe through email” for updates as I post. If you have any comments or even questions for me, please comment below. I’d love to hear from you!
I know we don’t know each other well, but I admire your bravery for sharing something so personal. I do hope the best for you and Griffin on this journey.
Thank you! I so appreciate it!
So proud of you sweetie. This is an incredibly bold and courageous step and will help so many others who are struggling with this. You are my hero!
Thank you!! <3
Thank you for sharing your encouraging story Bethany. Thank you for being brave and trusting God to carry your words.
Bethany, In February we celebrated the birth of my nephew’s baby that we waited 10 years for! He came after several years of being told they could not even conceive and the adoption of 3 beautiful little girls. God’s plan for you is good! He will carry you through and carry this out in His time. Praying for wisdom and direction as you walk this journey. Can’t wait to walk it out with you through your blog.
Wow, that is soooo awesome to hear! Thank you for praying with us.
I love you and how brave you are to share this. Love and hugs sweet friend love and hugs.
Beautiful story! Writing about your journey is a great way to help yourself heal.
Beautiful job Bethany….I appreciated so much about what you said. Love you sweet friend
Sending prayers your way! My husband and I struggled with getting pregnant. IVF finally gave us our beautiful baby girl! I am so happy you are giving others the strength by sharing your journey! I now am very vocal in helping others!
Thank you for your prayers. That’s so awesome to hear! I can only imagine how hard your own journey has been but also how much it encourages others. I love it!
I also admire your bravery to share such intimate struggles. May God use your struggle to bring glory to Himself and also to encourage others. I pray that he blesses you with the desires of your heart. He is faithful.
It is an incredibly brave and encouraging choice to let people have a window into our life’s journey -the struggles, the questions, the unknown. You Bethany, are uncommonly brave!! I respect & admire you!
Laurie
Thank you, Laurie! “Uncommonly brave” I love that term!
One of my sons and his wife have been going through this and struggle for three years now, and I have seen the heartbreak as they have lost two babies. I pray daily that God blesses them with a child someday, and I will pray for the same for you and Griffin.
That’s so sad to hear your son & his wife have also experienced this. Please feel free to share my blog with them if you feel it can encourage them. I’d love to hear from his wife if she ever wants to message me.
I love this. That’s all I have to say!
Proud of you for being brave on this topic and giving a positive encouraging voice to this. I think I’ve mentioned before that David and I struggled with infertility as well and it becomes hard to talk to people about the struggles and the overwhelming feeling that your alone (even though you know you’re not) looking forward to seeing what God does with this! Praying for you two!
Thank you so much, Jaylee! I didn’t know that you & David struggled with infertility. But now you have a beautiful family! I love seeing miracles like that. Thanks for praying with us!!
Thank you for sharing your encouraging story. Sending prayers your way!!
God is faithful Bethany. You can trust him. I believe he’s going to give you the desires of your heart.
I don’t know if you know who I even am 😳 I went to school with the McGrath boys and somehow still feel like I know a little bit about who you are from following you on social media! I have not experienced the painn that you have had through losing a child, but you still seem to be encouraging me, tugging at my heart, and pushing me closer to the lord through each one of your posts about your loss. You faith has been so encouraging to me and since your first post back in October you have been on my mind and in my prayers. The lord has such a beautiful way of doing things and it brings a smile to my face knowing that since October he has brought so many new prayer warriors for you and Griffin! I cant say I know what your going through, because i don’t, but I just wanted to let you know that I am constantly praying for you, griffin, and your sweet beautiful children.
I feel the same way haha, like I know you because of social media. I just teared up reading your comment as it just confirms in my heart that God is using this blog. Thanks for sharing, Brittany!
Bethany, thank you for being so brave and sharing your journey with all of us. With my husband and I both having cancer in our past, we were told that children might not happen for us, but we believe in God’s timing this will happen for us if we are meant to have children. It is a scary thought and I can only pray for the chance, but knowing that others struggle also reminds me that I am not alone and God is faithful and works in his timing. All we can do is keep believing, share our story and pray for one another. You are so brave! Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey!
Wow, you & your husband have already gone through a lot I’m sure. I pray that you do not worry about the future, even when you can’t see what’s ahead, & that you always trust God loves you & has the best plan for you.
Thank you so much, Bethany! I am so glad you are sharing your story and I am praying for you guys as well! <3 xo
I pray deeply that our heavenly Father blesses you both with a child some day. My wife and I experienced 2 miscarriages in between our two full term pregnancies. Unknowingly what gave us the most strength was doing exactly what you are doing now which is talking openly about it. Posting this blog openly shows just how incredibly strong you are. We had no idea how many people just in our own neighborhood let alone the world were experiencing something similar or even more difficult. You are not alone!!! I will think about and pray for you both every day. God bless!
I’m sorry to hear about you & your wife’s 2 miscarriages. I know it can’t be any easier even if you have a child. Thank you so much for praying for us!!
You are a wonderful writer and I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share. I will be keeping you in prayer!!!!!
My heart goes out to you guys. I haven’t dealt with that kind of loss, but just imagining it is enough to bring me to tears. I’m lifting you up in prayer and look forward to following your journey to the day you hold your baby for the first time. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Bethany! As my husband and I head into our 5th year of marriage, babies are on my mind but the fear of not being able to have a child is very real for me. I had cancer as a baby and my husband had leukemia while growing up and doctors told us that we might not be able to have children. Over the years, I try not to think about what the doctors say, and believe that God is more than able to bless us with a child if that is what he has planned for us. You sharing your heart reminds me that trying to have a baby is a process for many, not just us and we can use our stories to help other people going through this as well. I completely believe that God will bless us and you in his timing and I will continue to pray for you guys. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, I admire your strength! <3
Bethany , you are incredibly brave. I know this will be a great blog for so many reasons. I love you💕
Thanks momma!
Thank you so much for being so open and honest about your loss. I’m so sorry for this and what your experiencing. Praying for you and your husband as you both are walking through this. Praying God will give you the desires of your heart.
This has brought tears to my eyes because you are an inspiration of such beautiful strength. Thank you for sharing!
Listen to “Write everyday down” by Jason Upton if you haven’t already!! Because how else will people know that God was here, in these times… The good and the horrible times… Unless you write it ALL down.
http://youtu.be/Q8I_r5VNHlU
Listen. It’s worth the 5 minutes.
You’re so incredibly brave. And it’s so refreshing to see you be so real and vulnerable with a part of your life that most people are too afraid to talk about.
You may never know how much this could mean to so many women. I have not had this problem but I have had other problems with getting pregnant and it is so hard to talk about. Your bravery has shown me that everyone has a story and it could help someone who is going through the same thing. I am praying for you and Griffin.
We stand with you in prayer! Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing your heart.
20 minutes ago I just said to myself that, “I have no one to talk to…I’m so alone.”
I don’t know how to handle the rolling emotions I feel. I’m fine one minute then can’t keep from feeling like crying the next. I have good days and then, like today, really bad days. I feel like I am falling apart but have no where to go so am stuck inside myself. I’ve been to the doctor more in the past month than I have in the past two years combined.
I know how to pray for you, but I want you to know seeing your post made me feel okay to feel the way I feel and that I’m not alone.
Oh, sweet Elisa, you are not alone! I know how you feel when your emotions can change in an instant. I have mostly good days, but some days are really bad & come out of no where. I’m glad you came across my post. Feel free to email me if you ever need to talk to someone. bethanykmcgrath@gmail.com
My husband and I too have fertility issues. I have definitely not experienced the loss that you have but definitely understand the confusion and the doubt. We can’t even seem to get pregnant. I actually called today for a specialist up in Omaha hoping they can give me better news then what we received from the military doctors. I’ll definitely be praying for you and your family. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about it! You are such an encouragement to so many women!
You’re in my thoughts & prayers as I understand a little bit of waiting. It took us one year to get pregnant with our first. It was a terribly hard year for us. I hope you can find a doctor you love & trust, because that is one of the biggest challenges. Thank you for commenting!
Hi Bethany,
Your blog post touched my heart. My husband and I went through 7 miscarriages before we got a diagnosis. My body was not recognizing my pregnancies. Each miscarriage came quicker each time. There was a method for preventing this. It’s tedious and takes time but it works. Having IVF was not the way I dreamed of getting pregnant; but it was the way that the Lord opened up for us. We had our first daughter in September of 2000 and 16 months later; we had triplets. God provided miracles for us through unconventional treatment, the right doctors and His grace. I’m praying that the Lord provides a miracle for you and your husband. I also want you to know that so often the miracle doesn’t come the way we expect it.
Thank you for reading my post, Jennifer! I’m so glad it has touched your heart. IVF sounds like a scary & painful journey, but I’m so grateful for unconventional treatment like it, because it has helped so many like yourself. Thanks for your prayers & encouragement!!
This brought me to tears because it sounds almost exactly like my story…only we got married on 7/10/10. I admire your courage to share your story. I’ve been feeling so down lately. It’s a struggle to even get up in the morning. But after seeing how strong you are, I think I can be stronger too. I’m going to wake up tomorrow with hope. Please know that you helped me be brave. I truly thank you.
Oh wow, now you’re the one that’s going to me ME cry! I’m so encouraged that this encouraged you! That’s what it’s all about. Together, we CAN be stronger. But it’s also ok to be sad sometimes. Thank you for sharing all of that!
Beautifully written. Sharing this. 😉
Thank you sweet friend. You were one who encouragemed me to do this. Thank you!
Bethany, I began praying for you daily, after learning about this journey in December. Reading this today brought me to tears. Thank you for your willingness to share and offer an inside perspective while you deal with losses, hopes and dreams…and a trust in God. Love you and appreciate who you are!! K
Thank you so much, Kay! Love & appreciate you as well!!
Bethany, So proud of you and Griffin. You are on my “regular” prayer list. Love you both!!
Bethany, God’s journey is not always what we have in our plans. I am a widow at the age of 55, which I will let you know it wasn’t in my plans. Hang on to God’s promises and believe He as an awesome plan for you and your future family. Grab on to hope and faith and that is what will keep you a going in this life. He knows the desires of your heart and He will provide. We as Christian will intercede for you. The power of prayer is amazing. Glorify His name, Jesus, through it all and He will provide.
Thank you, Bonnie! I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. I can’t imagine. Thank you for your encouraging words. You are right, prayer is powerful!
Reading your posts on fb brought me to tears. You are so brave to open up and share something so personal. Josh and I struggled to not only get pregnant but to stay pregnant, as well. I’ve had multiple surgeries in order to get pregnant and have suffered 3 miscarriages. It is something that can make a woman feel so alone and hopeless. For that reason, I am so happy to see you share your journey, not only to help yourself heal, but to help others, as well. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be!
Wow, I didn’t know you & Josh had similar struggles. It just goes to show you don’t know what people are going through by just seeing their “perfect family photos” on social media. I know God has blessed you with an amazing family, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy getting there. It’s nice to see someone on the “other side.” I have always looked up to you & Josh. Thank you for your prayers with us!
Just Came back from praying for you all. With all the tears in the world. Heartbroken for you as we have experienced miscarriages as well and I know your mama heart is aching. Your angel babies are well loved. And man God’s timing is so perfect. But while that is such a truth it doesn’t always make it easier. Praying peace for you all in this process. That you would first lean into Jesus and to eachother to make it through this season. Psalm 61:2 has been an encouraging verse for myself and a friend in trying times with getting pregnant. “When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I”. I hope you feel the freedom to feel sad in this suffering. But can also find moments of goodness that bring joy. Growing your family is a prayer of so many by the looks of this post! Hugs to you mama.
Thank you so much! I can’t wait to look back & say “God’s timing WAS & IS perfect! I see it now!”. For now, I just have to trust it is. I love that verse! Thank you for sharing it with me. I’m also sorry for your losses. It’s a very painful thing to go through. Hugs back at you!
Thank you for sharing this. I have served in the assemblies of God Arizona youth ministry…and I admire both you and your husband.
My husband and I are dealing with something very similar to you. We are having a hard time even getting pregnant. Sharing your story tells me that we aren’t alone in our problems.
I am praying for you and your husband for a healthy baby.
Thank you, Rachel. I’m so sorry you & your husband are struggling to get pregnant. It’s a lonely road, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m free to chat anytime you need! bethanykmcgrath@gmail.com
Thank you for praying!
You inspire me, sweet Bethany! I am believing and praying for miracles for you and Griffin! Love you much!
You’re Amazing person. Who I love very much!❤️
Bethany you are not alone! Many of us struggle with infertility but God has a reason why!! PS I have a book I want to send you. Can you PM me your address?
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